IT’S A….


Erik and I were hiking in Big Sur on June 19th and little did we know I was already carrying our daughter! On the coastal ride back home we started thinking about names. He’s actually the one who came up with our daughters first name. We then started thinking about middle names and right there and then we had her name picked out. Ever since that day I had pictured our little girl.  On June 28th I took a test and it came out positive. At the beginning of my pregnancy I had a feeling it was going to be a girl. When people would ask I would respond “I think it’s a girl but I don’t really know” I had to add that second part just in case my instincts were wrong. But as they always say trust your intuition! Erik for sure thought it was boy. He would say boy names and I said no to every. single. one. Our daughters name just sounded so good and soooo right. I couldn’t imagine anything else.

Fast forward to October 12th. I’m there laying on my back with the cold jelly spread across my flat little tummy. As soon as she found the legs I didn’t see anything in-between them. She asked “any guesses?” I shouted out “I don’t see any balls” It was no surprise to me that it was a girl. I have snapchat stories to prove that even at 13 weeks I knew. “QUEENS IN THE HOUSE” I would write with a little crown over my head and my stomach. Or sending photos to Erik saying “your girls” The ultrasound  was just confirmation for me.

That day my four-year old nephew and I made gender revealing cupcakes with pink in the middle since daddy had to be at work that day. When he came home the house was filled with balloons. We all sat down at the table and when Erik took a bite he just froze. What is it??? I asked… He replied a few minutes later after the shock… it’s a girl? Yes honey were having a daughter!!

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Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

Raising a daughter I hope to teach her how to love herself and respect her self and that she’s strong enough to conquer anything in this world—even the times when she feels like it’s all crashing down. I want to teach her that its ok. It’s ok not to know her direction in life, but to always follow her heart and what she loves and that everything will be as it should be. I want to teach her confidence, kindness and compassion but also to be strong willed and spread her light and her truth. As her mother, I wish to have a close relationship with my daughter, that is loving, open and honest. I never want her to feel like she is unloved or unworthy of anything! Being a mother for me will be so incredibly healing. I will teach my daughter everything I had to learn for myself and by passing down my own wisdom, I hope that she hurts less and thrives in no matter what life situation she finds herself in.

“Blessed are the daughters who sat, carrying the trauma of mothers. Who sat asking for more love, not getting any, carried themselves to the light” ~I Jemona

I wish that my daughter never has to carry my trauma.

For I am a daughter who carried myself to the light.

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